A Quick Paddle

Our first paddle of 2011.

It was windy...but wonderful!

Felt so good to be on the board again!

Yesterday and Today

So yesterday was supposed to be our "test" day.

I don't bring it up because I was sad yesterday or thinking about what it would have felt like testing yesterday...I just happened to be reminded by every calendar I had (the one in the kitchen, the one in my purse and even my outlook calendar).

Oh well.

Moving on to today....

the weather is GORGEOUS right now so my man is going to bring the paddle boards and meet me at the river after work.

Hoping for a beautiful afternoon paddle.

And after that, it will be off to celebrate a dear friend's birthday.

We're so incredibly blessed to have the friends that we do.

Enjoy your weekend!

Operation Jellyman Kelly: Heart-break for Valentines Day

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

Well.

We didn't even get to the 17th.

My natural cycle came with a vengeance today.

This IUI is a fail.


I wish I could say we're totally fine because we half-expected this wouldn't work....

but the other half of us that did expect this to work...that hoped and prayed and dreamed it would...isn't totally fine.

We're heart-broken.

It was a first step in the right direction, but it still hurts like hell.

We know we're still getting good thoughts and prayers sent our way but I think I can safely speak for my husband when I ask that we not be asked about this failed cycle.  We're strong people, but sometimes it's too hard to talk about, especially if you haven't been in our shoes. 

Right now we're just sad.  Disappointed.  Pissed.  Depressed.

I don't want any of that unleashed on anyone.


Tomorrow I'll be calling Dr. T's office and finding out if we can move directly into another IUI cycle (we have to try IUI 3 times before insurance will allow us to try IVF) and scheduling 3rd day labs for insurance purposes since this cycle was a bust. 

Happy Valentine's Day to us.  =(

I Hate Wait.

So I can't lie....this 2 week wait is killing me.

I want to stay positive yet I don't want to get my hopes up.

I want to "not" think about it but I can't help it.

So...I've come to an arrangement with myself:

In the mornings, I allow myself to be a little depressed with the thought that this treatment probably didn't work.

Throughout the day, I allow myself to think of the possibility of being pregnant.

By 8 p.m. I'm mentally exhausted and can't think about it at all.  I end up turning in early every night and I feel like it's because I don't want to be awake thinking about it. 

Does that sound crazy?

Operation Jellyman Kelly: It's a waiting game...

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

I posted a few days ago that the 2 week wait was upon us...but apparently I was wrong.

I went in for my last ultrasound and 2nd HCG shot this morning and was informed the 2 week wait started as of today.

So....if i haven't started my normal cycle by Feb 17th, I can take a home-pregnancy-test.

That's it for now.

I'm going to enjoy the next two weeks of no injections, no blood-work and no ultrasounds..... 

Sidenote: my husband thinks its silly that I go through the trouble of painting my toenails and maintaining good feminine hygiene for these ultrasound appointments. I told him it wasn't.

He suspects I'm trying to look "pretty" for the Dr.

Nope.

Would you go to a dental appointment without first brushing your teeth????

I didn't think so!  ; )

Hot chocolate does not a cup of coffee make.....

It's only been several days since our IUI procedures and I'm already having a hard time skipping the coffee in the morning.

I've resorted to ordering hazelnut hot chocolate from Starbucks.

Now don't get me wrong, Starbucks hazelnut hot chocolate is fantastic....but it's just not coffee.

It doesn't give me the same caffeine buzz.

It doesn't have that wonderful, long-lasting aroma.

It doesn't leave the same aftertaste.

It doesn't last as long (I can make a cup of coffee last all day).

My Dr. said I didn't have to stop drinking coffee all together...that I should just cut back...but with the money we're paying for these treatments I just don't want to play the whole "if only I would have stopped drinking coffee...." game if the end result isn't what we want.

And so I drink cocoa....

whilst daydreaming of coffee.