Fat and Happy

As promised in an earlier post....here are a few photos from our amazing sister-in-law-in-law Stephanie Yonce.

Such an amazing gift!!!

Infertility is a bitch. Let's tell the world.

It's National Infertility Awareness Week!

What is that you ask?

It's simply a week to raise awareness of an invisible disease that affects so, so many people...like me.

Before my husband and I started the process of seeking medical help for our journey....everything was hard.

Seeing friends become pregnant was hard.

Going to a baby shower was hard.

Hearing the wonderful news of a birth was hard.

Watching a nature show was hard.

Going shopping was hard.

Holidays were hard.

Nephews birthday parties were hard.

Going to work was hard.

Truly enjoying ourselves was hard.

We waited much too long before getting help.  But there were reasons for that.

Infertility (no matter who is at fault, the man, the woman or both) is a cold disease.  It can wear you down quickly, build you back up with one good appointment and then rip your heart out with a negative test result.
It not only strains your body, it strains your marriage, your finances, your other relationships...and your soul.

Treatment was not a conclusion we could have jumped to lightly.

We knew it would test us.  Test our patience, test our commitment, test our trust, test our hope.

This is why it took 5 years for us to get through the door of our infertility clinic for our first appointment.

At 35 weeks pregnant thanks to an IVF treatment with ICSI, it's surreal to sit here and think about where we were 5 years ago....where we were even a year ago.

As part of Infertility Awareness Week, NPR hosted a panel on the Trials and Tribulations of Assisted Reproduction  (http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-04-23/trials-and-tribulations-assisted-reproduction) and it both broke my heart and lifted my spirits.

If you listen to the replay, at 29:40 one of the panelists says "you're experiencing infertility in a largely fertile world"...it made me remember how truly alone I felt in a massive, massive world...because everything around me seemed to be reproducing....except me.  My family members, the birds in our yard, the ridiculously gross-looking spiders on the Discovery channel........everything.

I remember feeling so alone (even though my family, friends and husband loved me incredibly well) that I wanted to just run away and disappear.

I know people that are at that stage now......they've admitted it to themselves that they are infertile....and they're not quite sure how to proceed....but they are sure of this....they feel incredibly alone.

I want so badly to be a resource for those that have questions about this disease...but I also know you can't force this information onto someone that isn't ready to receive it, or isn't willing to accept it.

We have many wonderful friends that helped pave the road for us by being open about their infertility experiences.  I can never thank them enough for that.

I only hope I can return the favor by being open about our story and possibly helping to pave the road for someone else.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....

Infertility is a bitch. 

Let's tell the world.

Life without Kea, a year later...

We lost our Kea girl a year ago today.  And while it's only been a year, it feels as though it's been much longer since we last cuddled with our little "baby cakes".

Jody and I got Kea while we were still dating (we were both in the Air Force and living together in a basement that we rented from another AF acquaintance at the time).

We didn't mean to purchase her from a pet store...we were simply going to "look" to see what type of dog we wanted.  And there she was....the smallest and unhealthiest looking puppy I'd ever seen.  We knew we wanted her the moment we saw her.  And we knew we needed to get her out of that pet store.

And so, little Kealoha Lani Des Roches joined our tribe.

We tried fattening her up as quickly as possible but as she continued to grow, we realized this was a typical boxer trait....to remain skinny and lean.

Kea was a delightful part of our lives, but in all honesty, she and I didn't have the best of relationships at the start.  We were both females competing for Jody's attention.  And she was MUCH cuter than me, so she often won those battles.  ; )

Kea and Jody had a bond I'd never seen between human and animal before.

I'd grown up without pets so to witness the devotion Kea had for Jody....well...it was amazing...and wonderful....and completely endearing.

Nothing could keep Kea away from Jody.  Nothing.

At one point (after I'd moved back home to Hawaii and Jody stayed in Colorado) Kea jumped out of the back of Jody's car while he ran in to a Home Depot.  According to witnesses, she apparently ran straight for the Depot entrance to follow Jody in but someone saw her and tried to corral her and she ran off in the opposite direction. This Home Depot was many miles from where Jody lived at the time.

I remember getting the call from Jody that she'd run off....I'd never heard him so frantic in the 2 years I'd known him.

She went missing for days.

My heart hurt for Jody.  I knew he'd be devastated if anything happened to her.

And then a few days later, I got another call from Jody.

A family had found Kea walking on the side of the road and took her in.  She hadn't been wearing a collar but they checked with the local animal shelters (each of which had been called by Jody and given a description of Kea) and they were able to get in touch with Jody.

The road where the family found her was apparently half way between the Home Depot and home.

I truly believe she was making her way back to Jody.

When Jody and I got married, I'd had Gridgery for about a year.  Gridge and Kea met for the first time in the back of Jody's car while we said our vows in a Vegas drive-thru wedding. 

When the four of us moved in together....Kea and Gridge didn't really know what to make of each other...

They didn't really play, they didn't fight, they just kind of....tolerated one another.

Four weeks and a new bed spread later...they were inseparable...

We were a family of four.....

My relationship with Kea was drastically different at that point.  No longer did we compete for Jody's attention.  There were four of us.  Jody had Kea, I had Gridge.  And if Jody wanted to cuddle with me, Kea could cuddle with Gridge.

Though most of the time, both Kea and Gridge just wanted to cuddle with us...

Life with these pups was absolutely wonderful.  Obviously we had our ups and downs....but they both taught us so much...

love, patience, devotion, responsibility.

We were so lucky to have two magical souls in our lives for the time we did.

A year ago today since her passing and I feel guilty in admitting that I haven't grieved as much over the loss of Kea as I did over the loss of Gridge.  Obviously the bonds were different.  Kea was Jody's dog.  Gridge was my dog.  But I think the other reason is because we've had so much going on.

When we lost Gridge to cancer, we had just purchased a house and while that was definitely a HUGE distraction from my grief, it only kept my grief at bay for a little while.

When we lost Kea, we were just heading to Hawaii for a 3 week stay, we were in the middle of infertility treatments, we had a LOT of recreational activities taking place, we'd adopted another boxer....there was just so much going on that I couldn't possibly let myself get lost in my grief.  I don't know if Jody feels the same way.  We deal with grief differently.  But I know he misses his Kea-girl.

Thank you Kea and Gridge for loving us so well.

29 weeks!!!!!!!!!

We hit 29 weeks tomorrow!

Baby is moving and kicking all of the time now.

It's incredible.

I can literally spend an entire morning or evening just lying back in bed or on the couch, watching baby use my stomach as a punching bag.

It's unreal.

There is someone in there....growing...listening to my voice...feeling my movements, reacting to touch. 

I honestly can't wait to meet him or her.

The pregnancy is going as well as possible.  We found out at our last appointment that I had partial placenta previa and so we've been closely monitored.

I'm happy to report that today's appointment showed the placenta has now moved away from the cervix so we are in the clear.

However, my doctor did say she was slightly concerned because baby measured a little small.

We have another appointment next week with a specialist to talk about this and figure out if I simply need to up my protein or supplement intake or if I also need to be on....

dun dun dun..........

bed rest.

YIKES!

I'm hoping its protein!!!!!!!!

I don't have a belly shot to share with you this week...but know this...I'm GINORMOUS.

Instead, I'll share a photo of our little one taken at today's appointment....

The Nursery....

I've had so many wonderful inspirations for the nursery that it just seems a shame I can't incorporate them all!

We're going simple, eclectic-like. 

And yes, I realize the room looks very "boy-ish".  ; )  I'm ok with that.

So here's the start of our nursery production.....

I found a photo of an awesome nursery on Pinterest that used a refurbished barndoor as the backdrop for the crib.  It looked amazing and I told my husband I had to have barn doors in our nursery.  Wierd?  Yes.  But let me say this...I kind of left the idea alone....until we were shopping for a crib, ran into a store we didn't intend on going to and found these doors (pictured above) on a clearance rack.  I HAD TO HAVE THEM!

I didn't want to simply put these doors up on the wall as decoration.  I wanted them to have some kind of functionality.  So I asked my husband to make them slide open and closed to reveal a chalkboard. I also asked him to paint the wall a bit darker so it would really contrast with the chalkboard paint, panels and doors.

I LOVE the end result!

Obviously it's still a work in progress....but we're having soooo much fun with it!!!!!!

23 Weeks.....

I honestly can't believe we've already reached 23 weeks in this pregnancy!

I also can't believe I haven't been blogging more about this amazing time!  LOL!  You'd  think with how much time I'm spending at home (in bed) that I could manage to maintain a blog.  But no...I'm that tired!  LOL!

Anyway, here is a list of things I've learned over the last several weeks:

I have a thing for dinosaurs.  If you know me, you probably already knew that.  But something I didn't know:  I apparently think our baby is also going to have a thing for dinosaurs.  During our weekend registry marathon I registered for several dino-related items for our little one.  I also apparently think our little one is going to have a thing for elephants.  =)

We've entered new territory:  also during our registry marathon....we were introduced to butt paste and nipple brushes.  Uh.........

Pinterest:  if you have a specific project you're working on...this is how you become addicted.  I've been on Pinterest for awhile now but never really found much use of it...but as soon as I wanted nursery ideas....BAM!  I'm on there almost every day!

Tickle monster:  I'm apparently ticklish from the inside-out.  Our baby has been moving an awful lot lately and each time I feel those butterfly kiss-like sensations I giggle. 

Oscar the grouch:  If I get too hungry....evil cranky Amanda appears....

Home-sick: not even home-sick really, family-sick.  I miss my family more now than I ever have before.  It saddens me to know they can only participate in this amazing time from afar.  It hurts my heart to be so far away from them.

Peanut Butter Multigrain Cheerios: best thing to hit the grocery stores since white bread.  Seriously.  Completely addicted.

Quarter-caf:  my local starbucks has now added a "quarter-caf" to their forte since I'd been going in so often asking for a tall coffee with just 1/4 regular and the rest decaf.  I feel kind of honored!

Hormones:  I'm noticing more and more at work that negativity is getting harder and harder to deal with.  Typically, my sunny disposition helps in these scenarios.  But lately, I just want to stop listening to it and get on with my day.

The Belly:  It finally happened.  A woman that works in my building who sees me every day finally gravitated to my growing belly and began to rub.  And what did I do?  I stood there and enjoyed it!  It felt AWESOME!  I would have stood there for 5 minutes if she kept rubbing! When I told my husband this, he was not pleased.  He doesn't like other people touching my belly and he REALLY doesn't like that I enjoyed it so much.  Men.  ; )

And here's the belly shot of the week:

10 years and going strong...

I'm so incredibly blessed and lucky to have my husband.

And I'm so thankful for the last 10 years that we've been married.

I can't imagine life differently.

To celebrate we stayed at our favorite Bed and Breakfast in Mathews County, Va...The Inn at Tabb's Creek...and spoiled ourselves rotten with good food, fantastic company, relaxation and fun.

A few photos of our New Years weekend...

and (GASP!!!!)...even a few "maternity" photos of 18 weeks!!!!!!!!

Jody went Winter SUPing on Tabb's Creek in his new wetsuit...but he obviously had to put on his new board shorts too!!!!!!!!

View of the Inn from their dock....

Beautiful sky on the first day of 2012!!!!

And now...the impromptu photo-shoot....

 

That just happened.........

At work, walking from the kitchen back to my cube I'm stopped by our lovely and sweet custodian and the following conversation takes place:

Carole: Hi!  Did you get to go home for the holidays?

Me: No, not this time.  We went home earlier in the year for my Mom's birthday though and it was wonderful.

Carole: Oh, well did you still have a good Christmas?

Me: I did!  My husbands family is here so we were all together, it was great!

Carole: That's wonderful.  [Looks down at my belly]  So did you swallow a turkey over the holidays?

Me: [Laughing] Nope! 

Carole: [Surprised look on face] OH! Are you expecting?!?!?!

Me: [Laughing some more] Yup!

Carole: Oh my!  How many months are you?

Me: [Calculating in my head 18 divided by 4] 4 and a half months!

Carole: Oh that's wonderful!  I noticed you were getting fat in the face [framing my face]  but I thought it was so pretty on you! 

Me: [Slightly mortified] Yeah, I know I've definitely gained weight. [Awkward laugh]

Carole: Oh no its lovely on you!  Congratulations!  That's wonderful news!

So while I was told I'm getting fat in the face...at least some people think it looks pretty on me!  LOL!!!!!

Things of late...

I can't believe how lazy I've become about blogging!

I have every intention to do it...and then suddenly I'm napping instead of typing!

Aw the beauty of pregnancy.  =)

So there's a LOT I need to catch up on so we're going to do this list-wise (I'll try to keep them in order):

1.  I finally took a belly shot at 15 weeks pregnant.  It took a lot of requests for this to happen.  I honestly thought I'd be taking a photo of myself each week...but then I felt so....self-conscious!  LOL!  Anyhow, eventually I got over it.

2.  I got a fantastic birthday present of baby turning 16 weeks old in my belly on my 32nd birthday!  It was a fantastic day filled with good food, beautiful weather, Hanafuda in the park and family and friends (and a 16 week belly shot).

3. Got to see South Pacific at the Landmark Theater with Jody.  It was amazing!

4. Got all Christmas shopping and wrapping completed.

5. Had a wonderful Ladies Cake-Night out with my dear friends!

6. Experienced our first warm Christmas in VA in many years!  So warm that it allowed us to be outside...working on our top secret Christmas project....

And finally....

7. We're going to be staying at our fabulous and favorite B&B for our 10 year anniversary this coming weekend!  That's right!  I've been lucky to be in love with my best friend for 10 years (actually longer) and I can't wait to celebrate by escaping to the Inn at Tabb's Creek.

I will absolutely try to be better at blogging in the near future!!!!

But for now....

I need a nap!!!!!

Growing.....

It's hard to believe we're going to be 14 weeks tomorrow!

Baby started as just a spec on a screen:

And then turned into a cute...blob....

 And now baby is looking more and more like.................................... a baby!

I had a prenatal visit on Monday with my Dr. and they checked baby's heart rate with a fetal doppler.  The sound of that little child's heartbeat was absolutely mesmerizing.

I broke down and purchased one so we could hear baby's heartbeat anytime we wanted...


enjoy.......

Operation Jellyman Kelly: Retired

We're officially retiring the code name "Operation Jellyman Kelly" since at this point there shouldn't be too many posts that could potentially gross you out.

Actually, that's a lie.

I'm now pregnant...there are going to be TONS of things that could potentially gross you out.

From now on.......

read at your own risk!

; )

Operation Jellyman Kelly: The results are in...

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

This two week wait was so entirely different than with any of the IUI’s.
 
With IUI’s you’re putting the sperm in the same vicinity as the egg(s) and hoping for a party.

With IVF…you’re starting the party and hoping it lasts.
 
For two weeks I lived life as if I had a growing miracle in my belly.
 
I ate healthier.  I rested more.  I thought positive thoughts.
 
But there was an underlying strain of fear and disappointment that kept creeping in….kept making me think I was just “pretending” all of this.  That this hadn’t worked.
 
The morning of my first blood test finally arrived and I was thrilled and terrified.
 
I’d never made it to a test date with any of the IUI’s….so this was an accomplishment.
 
But I was terrified of the results.
 
I had to go to work that day and the nurse told me to expect a phone call by noon at the office.
 
I tried my hardest to stay focused on work.
 
At 11:45 some of my co-workers invited me to go to lunch with them.  I didn’t want to get this call while I was out with others in the event of bad news and my breaking down.  But I really didn’t want to stay in the office and freak out until the call came either.  
 
I called the Dr.’s office to see if perhaps they had my results early.
 
To my absolute dismay, the office had already closed for lunch.  I’d have to call back at 2 p.m.
 
TORTURE!!!!!!!
 
I went to lunch with my co-workers and we talked about my anxiety.
 
So many things were going through my head.
 
Were they waiting to call me later in the afternoon because it was bad news?
 
Did they decide not to call me at work because it was bad news?
 
We got back to the office and I tried calling again.
 
Still closed for lunch.
 
My husband called me minutes later to find out the results.
 
“I don’t know, they haven’t called.”
“Really?  It’s almost 2 o’clock.”
“Really.”
 
Just then, call waiting.
 
It was the Dr.’s office.
 
“I gotta go!”
 
I hung up on my husband, answered the call and bolted for the nearest open conference room.
 
“Hi, it’s Kim.”
 
She didn’t sound happy.
 
My heart sank.
 
“Are you at work?”
 
My heart sank further.
 
“Yes.”
 
“Ok, well we got the results…”
 
Not breathing………….
 
“It’s good news.”
 
Silence.
 
“Test results were positive.”
 
“No way!” I shout, breathing again.
 
“Yes!  Congratulations!  So you’ll need to take another test in a few days…”
 
I didn’t hear the rest.
 
I felt a wave of emotions crashing over my head and I just held my breath, hoping I didn’t drown.
 
I hung up and immediately called my husband.
 
“Hello?”
 
“I’m sorry I hung up on you, it was the Dr.’s office calling on the other line.”
 
“I figured.”
 
“It was positive.”
 
“Are you serious?”
 
“Yes.”
 
We spoke for a few more minutes, I hung up and stayed in that empty conference room and let myself cry for about a minute.  Then I got myself together and went back to work.
 
When I got home that evening, I took a home pregnancy test….
 
I wanted to see that word I’d been longing to see for so, so long………

Our test results a few days later also came back positive.

Then we had to wait another two weeks before our very first ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy was viable....

and guess what.....

One of our embryos held on and implanted in the right place.


And there was a heartbeat....


We're officially a GO for PREGO!!!!!!!!!!!