We got a movie from Netflix yesterday called Hogfather.
We're not entirely sure who placed this movie in the queue....perhaps it's a leftover souvenir of the drunken mysteries night....who knows? =)
Anyhow, we got it and so we decided to watch it....well....half of it....apparently this movie is 3 hours and actually has an "intermission".
I have no idea how to explain this movie....honestly...it's probably the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
Here's a rundown of the first half:
In a galaxy far, far away, there is a world resting atop the shoulders of 4 elephants resting atop the shell of a ginormous turtle floating through space. In this world there live wizards, humans, pixies that roll joints, a league of assassins, death himself, weird governesses who beat up the monsters under your bed, the tooth fairy, Hogfather (their version of Santa Clause) and lots of other...things.
We're introduced to all of the characters on Hogswatch eve (Christmas eve).
Apparently, these wierd, ghost things that call themselves "auditors"---though we don't know what they audit, employ the league of assassins to eliminate Hogfather....or...the fat man as the head of the league called him.
The league gives the assignment to Mr. Teatime, who pronounces his name Taya-Thy-May. Teatime could be Johny Depps version of Willy Wonka's twin.
So Teatime goes in search of Hogfather (who the auditors tell the league they don't know his whereabouts, yet at the end of the conversation they tell the league "don't try to find us...we'll find you....we know where you live...we know where everybody lives...." Except Hogfather I guess.
Meanwhile, we see this governess (who got a bad highlighting job) putting some kids to bed and then beating the crap out of some monsters under their beds.
Also meanwhile, we see death hanging out at his place, keeping a watchful eye on all of these hourglasses that are meant to represent peoples lives. As they run out, he grabs the hourglass and goes to work. He happens to see Hogfathers hourglass running out (that apparently is supposed to be impossible since Hogfather is a mythical being) and decides to find out what's up.
Teatime in the meantime has kidnapped the tooth fairy.
Death can't find Hogfather but finds his sleigh (pulled by hogs of course) and decides to impersonate Hogfather so kids continue to believe in him. Death takes his pixie friend Albert (who is rolling a joint in almost every scene) with him as his "elf". Albert is probably the coolest character ever. He instructs death that his "Ho-Ho-Ho" needs some work.
Teatime and his troupe of misfits begin piling all the teeth in the tooth fairies castle together and he forces a wizard to put a spell on the pile (apparently, in this world, you can control kids when you have their teeth).
Death (impersonating Hogfather) climbs down the chimney of the ass-kicking governess and she's not happy to see him. Apparently death is her grandfather?
You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you this movie got even weirder...but it does!!!
Susan, the governess, looks in a mirror, gives herself a cool "do" and stops time with the snap of her fingers. Then she heads over to deaths house to figure out what the heck is going on in this crazy world resting atop the shoulders of elephants resting atop the shell of a ginormous turtle floating through space. =)
Then we hit intermission and turned the movie off...it was bedtime.
Tune in tomorrow for the dramatic conclusion of my Hogfather review. =)