Plan B's

WARNING:  Selfish post ahead

I mentioned in my previous post that the husband and I were considering several Plan B's in the event IVF doesn't work for us....

Plan B (#1)
Rent the house out, pack the dog up and move to Hawaii.  Where we'd live in Hawaii, what we'd do, that is all up in the air.  I just want to be back with my family.  I miss them so, so much and I realized on this last trip that just being around them nourishes my soul.

Plan B (#2)
Adopt.

Plan B (#3)
Sell the house, quit our jobs, pack the dog up and travel to some of the most awesome SUP destinations we can think of.  This is obviously the least realistic plan, but it's on the table.  ; )

Someone asked me why we needed Plan B's.  Why we wouldn't just stay here and continue living the life we have (child free).  The answer to that is simple.....

I don't think we'd be happy here if we remained child-free.

Our friends are growing their families and have less and less time to spend with us.

This house is too big for just the two of us humans.

And more importantly.....if we go through IVF and fail......I feel it will absolutely be time for a change of scene.

Of course there are TONS of reasons to stay.....but honestly, the other big reason I need a Plan B is so I have something to look forward to if we can't start a family.

Pity party of the night complete.  ; )

I'm Alive! ; )

Where to begin.

First off I’d like to apologize for seemingly disappearing off the face of the planet.

We lost Kea, and then we were immediately flying home to Hawaii to surprise my Mom for her 50^th birthday.

It was a very bitter-sweet couple of weeks.

Losing Kea was a nightmare, but being home and with my family celebrating 50 years of the most amazing woman I know was exactly the distraction I needed.  Being home kept me sane.

We spent 3 absolutely amazing weeks in Hawaii with my family.

It was (honestly) heaven.

I’ve always missed my family since having moved away so long ago…but this trip really (really) got under my skin.  It was just so….fun…having everyone together again. 

A lot of amazing things happened in those 3 weeks that I wish I had the time to blog about but alas….I don’t.  

So here are just a few snapshots of my favorite moments in Hawaii (in no particular order):

Once we got back to Virginia we needed to jump right back into our daily routine.

Our boxer Kozy had been staying with my sister-in-law and her family (including Kozy’s cousin Mocha) so he had a little trouble adjusting to a house without any other dogs when we got back.  It was actually quite sad.  He could still smell Kea on the bed, in specific areas of the house and didn’t seem to know what to do.  He also became very needy.  He needed to be in the same room with us at all times.  He couldn’t go out and go to the bathroom unless one of us walked outside with him.  He wouldn’t eat unless we were in the kitchen with him.  It was not pleasant. 

In addition to getting Kozy accustomed to being the only dog in the house, we had to get ready for a few upcoming events…like SUP Enduro and SUP Cross.

Our very first "official" Stand Up Paddle events!  Check out our blog posts at SUP Virginia for the skinny on that!  =) 

We’ve definitely kept ourselves busy since being back and it doesn’t look like we’re about to slow down anytime soon.

Lots of events taking place in the next few months.

We’ll also (fingers crossed) be starting our first round of IVF in the next few months as well.

In the meantime, we’re playing hard and entertaining the idea of several plan B’s if IVF doesn’t work (one such plan being moving back to Hawaii).

More to follow!

Baby Kea

We lost our Kea girl today.

I can't put into words the grief....

I can only feel it.

Thank you Baby Kea, for loving us so, so well these 11 years.

I know you're with Gridgery again, and that makes me so incredibly happy.

We love you so, so much.

0 to 10k....

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in a very, very, very long time...

I ran the Monument 10k.

It's not much I realize, but considering I hadn't trained for it...I was quite surprised that my body just seemed to go into cruise control and I ran the whole thing!  Mind you, when I say "ran", I really mean "jogged", but I felt so incredibly awesome at the end of it!

And I'm super proud of my husband!

This was his first Monument 10k and he KILLED it!  He ran it in 54 minutes.  I completed it in 68 minutes.

I forgot how much I enjoyed the Monument 10k.

This year there were 41,000+ runners!

And there were some FANTASTIC costumes!

We ran into "UP" just before the race....

I wonder how heavy the costume was!!!!!

In addition to "UP" I saw Einstein, a running Picasso and a sea of black and gold for our VCU basketball team.

It was a wonderful Saturday morning!!!

Cheers!

Catch-Up...

Happy Monday all!

My apologies for not keeping my blog as up to date as possible.

So, when we last left off I was telling you about my complete disgust with myself and that our baby Kea isn't doing well, etc.

I'm happy to write that Kea is doing better.  Not much better, but better nonetheless.

She's eating a bit more and moving around more.

We're hoping she continues to feel better and more like herself.

As far as my being grossed out by my own body...that hasn't really changed since my last post.  I'm still not happy with myself...however...I have been a bit more active and am already starting to feel better.

In other news....my husband and a friend and I got to see Kodo perform in Richmond on St. Patricks Day and it was AMAZING.

This was the second time we've seen them in concert and it was even better than before.

Their stage presence and unbelievable energy immediately shoots out into the audience and you just feel so...in rhythm with life.  It was an outstanding performance and I hope they come back to Richmond soon.

We haven't been up to much else apart from work and a little SUPing in between so I'm afraid that's all I have to write about at the moment.

More to follow......

Baby Kea

Our female boxer (Kea) is 11 years old now.

She was diagnosed with Cushings Disease about a year after our baby Gridgery died (Kea pictured above at Gridery's spot at Poor Farm Park).

She's been on a steady dose of medications since her diagnosis but she seems to have taken a turn for the worst in the past several weeks.

She's lost so much weight and can't hold herself up for very long. 

She walks into walls.

She falls down stairs.

She walks in circles.

It's breaking our heart to see her like this.

The vet thinks it's a tumor in the pituitary gland and that it's probably the reason she's walking into walls and walking in circles.

She falls a lot.

We're feeding her more good food than she's ever had and she still doesn't gain any of her weight back.

I hate this...

but I think we're losing her.

I'm praying that the vet will find something new and hopeful in her recent test results that we can try.

I can't stand seeing Kea so out of sorts.  So.....lost.

Operation Jellyman Kelly: Another Fail

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

Once again, I didn't even make it to the official "test" date.

My period started this morning.

Strike 2.

This is starting to piss me off.

The fact that it's not working is one thing, but being scared to do any kind of physical activity is another.

I'm constantly freaking myself out over stupid things and I'm sick of it.

My husband and I are participating in a 10k next month.  He's been running every week, I haven't run or even jogged yet.

He works out, he goes paddleboarding, I don't.

My fear of doing something that would hurt our chances of the IUI working has made me fat and lazy.

I've gained 15 pounds since we started our first IUI cycle.

15!

I'm in the worst shape of my life and I'm disgusted with myself.

So I think we're going to take a break this cycle.

I want to go for a jog.  I want to go for a paddle.  Maybe a bike ride.  Something healthy, something active, without fear that I'm doing something to hurt our chances of conceiving.

We'll see about doing our 3rd IUI next month (after the 10k).

Until then...Operation Jellyman Kelly is officially on hold.