That just happened.........

At work, walking from the kitchen back to my cube I'm stopped by our lovely and sweet custodian and the following conversation takes place:

Carole: Hi!  Did you get to go home for the holidays?

Me: No, not this time.  We went home earlier in the year for my Mom's birthday though and it was wonderful.

Carole: Oh, well did you still have a good Christmas?

Me: I did!  My husbands family is here so we were all together, it was great!

Carole: That's wonderful.  [Looks down at my belly]  So did you swallow a turkey over the holidays?

Me: [Laughing] Nope! 

Carole: [Surprised look on face] OH! Are you expecting?!?!?!

Me: [Laughing some more] Yup!

Carole: Oh my!  How many months are you?

Me: [Calculating in my head 18 divided by 4] 4 and a half months!

Carole: Oh that's wonderful!  I noticed you were getting fat in the face [framing my face]  but I thought it was so pretty on you! 

Me: [Slightly mortified] Yeah, I know I've definitely gained weight. [Awkward laugh]

Carole: Oh no its lovely on you!  Congratulations!  That's wonderful news!

So while I was told I'm getting fat in the face...at least some people think it looks pretty on me!  LOL!!!!!

Things of late...

I can't believe how lazy I've become about blogging!

I have every intention to do it...and then suddenly I'm napping instead of typing!

Aw the beauty of pregnancy.  =)

So there's a LOT I need to catch up on so we're going to do this list-wise (I'll try to keep them in order):

1.  I finally took a belly shot at 15 weeks pregnant.  It took a lot of requests for this to happen.  I honestly thought I'd be taking a photo of myself each week...but then I felt so....self-conscious!  LOL!  Anyhow, eventually I got over it.

2.  I got a fantastic birthday present of baby turning 16 weeks old in my belly on my 32nd birthday!  It was a fantastic day filled with good food, beautiful weather, Hanafuda in the park and family and friends (and a 16 week belly shot).

3. Got to see South Pacific at the Landmark Theater with Jody.  It was amazing!

4. Got all Christmas shopping and wrapping completed.

5. Had a wonderful Ladies Cake-Night out with my dear friends!

6. Experienced our first warm Christmas in VA in many years!  So warm that it allowed us to be outside...working on our top secret Christmas project....

And finally....

7. We're going to be staying at our fabulous and favorite B&B for our 10 year anniversary this coming weekend!  That's right!  I've been lucky to be in love with my best friend for 10 years (actually longer) and I can't wait to celebrate by escaping to the Inn at Tabb's Creek.

I will absolutely try to be better at blogging in the near future!!!!

But for now....

I need a nap!!!!!

Growing.....

It's hard to believe we're going to be 14 weeks tomorrow!

Baby started as just a spec on a screen:

And then turned into a cute...blob....

 And now baby is looking more and more like.................................... a baby!

I had a prenatal visit on Monday with my Dr. and they checked baby's heart rate with a fetal doppler.  The sound of that little child's heartbeat was absolutely mesmerizing.

I broke down and purchased one so we could hear baby's heartbeat anytime we wanted...


enjoy.......

Operation Jellyman Kelly: Retired

We're officially retiring the code name "Operation Jellyman Kelly" since at this point there shouldn't be too many posts that could potentially gross you out.

Actually, that's a lie.

I'm now pregnant...there are going to be TONS of things that could potentially gross you out.

From now on.......

read at your own risk!

; )

Operation Jellyman Kelly: The results are in...

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

This two week wait was so entirely different than with any of the IUI’s.
 
With IUI’s you’re putting the sperm in the same vicinity as the egg(s) and hoping for a party.

With IVF…you’re starting the party and hoping it lasts.
 
For two weeks I lived life as if I had a growing miracle in my belly.
 
I ate healthier.  I rested more.  I thought positive thoughts.
 
But there was an underlying strain of fear and disappointment that kept creeping in….kept making me think I was just “pretending” all of this.  That this hadn’t worked.
 
The morning of my first blood test finally arrived and I was thrilled and terrified.
 
I’d never made it to a test date with any of the IUI’s….so this was an accomplishment.
 
But I was terrified of the results.
 
I had to go to work that day and the nurse told me to expect a phone call by noon at the office.
 
I tried my hardest to stay focused on work.
 
At 11:45 some of my co-workers invited me to go to lunch with them.  I didn’t want to get this call while I was out with others in the event of bad news and my breaking down.  But I really didn’t want to stay in the office and freak out until the call came either.  
 
I called the Dr.’s office to see if perhaps they had my results early.
 
To my absolute dismay, the office had already closed for lunch.  I’d have to call back at 2 p.m.
 
TORTURE!!!!!!!
 
I went to lunch with my co-workers and we talked about my anxiety.
 
So many things were going through my head.
 
Were they waiting to call me later in the afternoon because it was bad news?
 
Did they decide not to call me at work because it was bad news?
 
We got back to the office and I tried calling again.
 
Still closed for lunch.
 
My husband called me minutes later to find out the results.
 
“I don’t know, they haven’t called.”
“Really?  It’s almost 2 o’clock.”
“Really.”
 
Just then, call waiting.
 
It was the Dr.’s office.
 
“I gotta go!”
 
I hung up on my husband, answered the call and bolted for the nearest open conference room.
 
“Hi, it’s Kim.”
 
She didn’t sound happy.
 
My heart sank.
 
“Are you at work?”
 
My heart sank further.
 
“Yes.”
 
“Ok, well we got the results…”
 
Not breathing………….
 
“It’s good news.”
 
Silence.
 
“Test results were positive.”
 
“No way!” I shout, breathing again.
 
“Yes!  Congratulations!  So you’ll need to take another test in a few days…”
 
I didn’t hear the rest.
 
I felt a wave of emotions crashing over my head and I just held my breath, hoping I didn’t drown.
 
I hung up and immediately called my husband.
 
“Hello?”
 
“I’m sorry I hung up on you, it was the Dr.’s office calling on the other line.”
 
“I figured.”
 
“It was positive.”
 
“Are you serious?”
 
“Yes.”
 
We spoke for a few more minutes, I hung up and stayed in that empty conference room and let myself cry for about a minute.  Then I got myself together and went back to work.
 
When I got home that evening, I took a home pregnancy test….
 
I wanted to see that word I’d been longing to see for so, so long………

Our test results a few days later also came back positive.

Then we had to wait another two weeks before our very first ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy was viable....

and guess what.....

One of our embryos held on and implanted in the right place.


And there was a heartbeat....


We're officially a GO for PREGO!!!!!!!!!!!

Operation Jellyman Kelly: And then there were 3…

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

We got a wonderful call from Nurse Valerie a few days after transfer saying our 3 remaining embryos reached blastocyst stage and looked fantastic!!!

She said she always tells her patients it's all about quality, not quantity.

Our embryos will be frozen and kept for future use.

So if this cycle doesn’t work, we can try again without having to go through the entire process of injections, hormones, etc.

Talk about relief!!!!!!!!!

Operation Jellyman Kelly: Embryo Transfer

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

When we left the IVF clinic after egg retrieval we were told we’d be given a report the next morning on the status of whether or not any of our eggs fertilized.

It was the most dreadful wait of them all.

There would be no guarantees here.

Sometimes eggs fertilize.  Sometimes they don’t.  Even if they’re being forced to fertilize…it doesn’t mean they’ll survive.

I tried to sleep the wait away.

But I still couldn’t help worrying that perhaps this cycle was for nothing.  Perhaps we wouldn’t even get to the transfer.

And then the phone rang.

“Hi!   it’s Valerie. “

I hold my breath.

“It’s good news.  Five of the nine eggs fertilized!”

And breathe.

“Dr. T will monitor and see how they do over the next few days and will call you on day 3 to let you know when we’ll do a transfer.”

She gave me a few more instructions and asked how I was feeling and told me to continue resting the next few days.

I don’t remember most of what she said though.

I was just thrilled that we’d made it to the next level of the process.

And then that excitement turned to dread when I realized I’d have to wait another two days to see if we’d really get to the next level.  Our five precious embryos would have to develop correctly you see…otherwise they would not qualify for a transfer.

The next two days were hell for me.

I kept thinking our embryos would die and this would all be for naught.

I again tried sleeping away the wait.

And then it was the morning of September 11^th.  Day 3.  I woke early, hoping for the best.  I showered, got myself ready….just in case.

And the phone rang.

“This is Dr. T.”

I hold my breath….again.

“I think we’ll go ahead and do the transfer today.  You have all the details that Valerie provided?”

I tell him I do.

“Ok, see you at 11.”

Dr. T is not a talker.  It was very awkward speaking to him on the phone.  Even more awkward than in person….but the man knows what he’s doing, so I don’t mind.

I tell my husband we’re a go for the transfer and he asks how many embryos survived.

OMG.

I didn’t even THINK to ask.

I was just thrilled we were moving on to the next step!

I tell my husband I didn’t ask and that we should go with the number 1 in our heads.  Let’s assume 1 embryo survived (since you need at least one for a transfer) and if we find more survived, we’ll be happy and excited.   

My husband accepts this plan.

One hour before transfer, you have to drink a ridiculous amount of water so that your bladder is as full as possible.  This apparently helps the Dr. visualize your uterus via ultrasound.

I’ve had dear friends go through this process…and both mentioned the full bladder for transfer was the most uncomfortable part of the entire IVF process.

Lie; they did not.

Dr. T came in and showed us a photo of the two healthiest looking embryos of the 5 that were STILL ALIVE and told us he’d be transferring them both.

My husband and I were ecstatic.

The embryologist wheeled our embryos in, verified they were ours (awkward!) and we were off and running.

Thankfully, the procedure was quick.

I was instructed to lie on my back for 30 minutes and the nurse told me I could try to hold it or she could get me a bedpan.

I’d never used a bedpan before.  I told her I’d try to hold it.

And 30 seconds later I sent my husband running for a bedpan.

Embarrassing?  Sure.  But soooooo worth it.

I lay there for 30 minutes, holding my husband’s hand, starring at the ultrasound monitor where we just watched our two precious embryos enter my uterus....still thrilled that we transferred two good looking embryos and still had 3 more.   Now we just needed those 3 to survive to blastocyst stage so that they’d be eligible for freezing.  If we’re able to freeze them….we have another shot if this cycle doesn’t work.

In no time we were back home and I was on 2 days of strict bed rest.

And then  the two week wait………

So behind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh, time just keeps getting away from me when it comes to blogging!

When I’m not moonlighting as an oompa loompa or cabin camping in West Virginia…I’m thinking about blogging!

Blogging about why I ever stopped dressing up for Halloween.

Blogging about why I love my friends, so, so much.

Blogging about my wonderfully quirky family.

About love, and loss.

Leaky ceilings.

Everything!

But time always seems to get away from me!

So, in the interest of time and still trying to give you a peek into our life as of late...here are a few photos of the past several weeks....

I know these photos don't really tell you all that much....but just know that I'm around, living life, keeping busy and loving every minute of it.

To be continued!!!!!!!!

Catching up....

I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've posted.

Life sometimes.  ; )

Here's a quick catch-up of what I've been up to...

1.  Finally got to see Wicked!!!!!!!!!  One of my fabulous friends hooked me up with an extra ticket (and not just any ticket)....in orchestra seating!  It was absolutely amazing!!!!!!  It had been some time since I'd seen a broadway musical and this performance reaffirmed my love of the performing arts.   It was also really awesome going with someone who appreciated the music just as much as I did!  We had a wonderful ladies date-night and I continue to be extremely grateful for the friends in my life.

2.  My little nephew that used to send me into giggle fits when he was a baby is turning 8 years old tomorrow!!!!!  How is that possible?!?!?

3.  My nephew turning 8 also means I've lived in Virginia for 8 1/2 years now.  Second only to Hawaii.  Cray-zee!!!!!!!!!

4.  The leaves have started to turn and it always makes me think of my Mom.  She loves the Fall.  I wish my family lived here.

5.  Our friends birthday/Halloween party is coming up and I'm pretty excited about costumes this year!!!!  Don't worry, we'll take pictures.  ; )

6.  SUPing season is just about done.  We're going to try to get a few more Fall paddles in while we can.

7.  We're cabin-camping with friends next month and I'm SOOOOOOO excited!!!  Time to release my inner hiking viking!!!!! 

8.  Chinese take-out = awesome.  Chinese take-out with friends = priceless.

I will leave you with a funny (but more funny if you were there) story about what Jody and I overheard while having brunch the other morning:

Woman:  I tell you, he's so ridiculous!  He demands so much attention!
Other woman: Really?
Woman: Yes, he is just so high maintenance.  Yesterday he took a chopstick from the table and just started chewing on it!  I took it away from him and he took the other chopstick from the table and started chewing on it.
Me to Jody: Well what does she expect if he doesn't know how to use chopsticks?
Jody to me: You do realize she's talking about a cat, right?
Me to Jody: I did not but that makes more sense.  Thank you.

Operation Jellyman Kelly: a sort-of update....

I just wanted to give everyone an update (sort of) without going into details because it seems our "going dark" has concerned some of our family and friends....

We're still doing ok throughout our Operation Jellyman Kelly process.

We have no news to share right now but please know that we're extremely thankful for all the loving prayers and thoughts you've continued sending our way.

It's a very emotional time for us and we're so grateful to have each and every one of you in our lives.

We're also very grateful that you've all respected our wishes in not asking us for any "news".

Thank you again and we'll talk soon.

Paddlefest, Funeral and a Wedding reception

This Saturday could very well have been our busiest Saturday in some time.

It started with a short road trip to Lake Anna for the first annual Paddlefest 2011.  Awesome idea for an awesome community of paddlers....it was a small event hosted by a family that owns a beautiful piece of property at Lake Anna.  There were kayak and SUP "drag" races, water olympics and slolam courses.  Those in attendance were such a joy to talk to.  Almost everybody was in complete awe of Kozy SUPing with Jody.  And on more than one occasion someone mentioned how adorable it was that Kozy and Jody had matching lifevests.  ; ) 

We were a hit at the event (when I say we, I mean Kozy) and have been told we (again, Kozy) MUST be back for the second annual Paddlefest.

After Paddlefest we road tripped it back home, showered and changed and attended a funeral service for a friends mother.

When we arrived at the church where the service was being held, I noticed a bubble machine at the front door.  While I'd never met our friends mother, the bubble machine immediately told me I'd have liked her.

The service was beautiful....a true testament to the kind of woman whose life was being celebrated.

Our friends sister stood at the podium and delivered a heart-felt eulogy.  In no way can I do it justice, but she spoke of how she looked up to her mother, how her mother was the most courageous person she'd ever known, how she knew exactly what her children were thinking at all times, knew exactly what they needed at all times.  She shared the story of her mothers passing....it was during the aftermath of Hurricane Irene...and how she prayed to God to clear the path so she could get to her mothers house in the storm-riddled roads.  She spoke of how every tree that had fallen in her path had been removed....and as she turned onto the last road before the house....she saw an angel...drenched in sweat...removing the last remaining tree in her path with a chainsaw.  That angel was her brother.  Our friend. 

Though we sat in the back of the church for the service, we could see our dear friend at the front.  When his sister spoke of him being there, removing that last tree in their way....we could see it affected him.

My heart ached so, so much for him in that moment.

When it was time for our friend to speak....he could not.  I don't know how it was possible...but I felt every single person in the church collectively pray or wish for him the courage to say what he needed to say.

It broke my heart to see our strong, loving friend...in so much pain.

The service continued and the pastor shared the story of the bubble machine I'd seen at the door.  He said our friends mother wanted to plan out her service so that her family didn't have to.  And she asked the pastor if he thought the church would allow bubbles at the service.  She loved bubbles.  And so there were bubbles.

After this, our friend was able to get up and speak.

He thanked everyone that had been a part of his mothers life.  He shared how much he loved her.  It was gut-wrenching at times. 

He closed with what I thought to be the most perfect thing ever....

He said if we were lucky enough to still have our mothers around, to call them and tell them how much you love them.  They deserve it.

After the service we were able to throw our arms around our friends.  Something I'd wanted to do the moment the service started. 

We left the church feeling very thankful for friends that love so, so deeply.

And on the drive home, I called my Mom and told her I loved her.

And then it was time to change gears for a different kind of event....a wedding reception for a wonderful couple we've known only a little while but have already grown to love.

We stopped at Pier 1 to purchase a wedding gift and got into the most ridiculous (and I must say, fun) argument in the store over what to get them.

I suggested this really cool looking glass head that was made in Spain....it was quirky and I thought perfect for the couple we were shopping for.

Jody suggested a metal skiing dog....because if anything said "unique", it was a metal skiing dog.

We kept arguing over where we thought the couple would be able to put a glass head vs metal skiing dog and eventually Jody consulted one of the associates to settle our argument.

"We're going to a wedding, the couples style is unique, we've narrowed it down to either a glass head or a metal skiing dog.  What would you like better?"

I have to say....I've never seen a Pier 1 associate look so baffled.  It was hilarious.

"Um.....well....I like them both....but if you want to be able to put the gift in a box, we don't have one big enough for the metal dog."

SUCCESS!  LOL!!!!

The wedding reception was a blast.  We ate, drank, joked around with friends and just genuinely enjoyed the night.  The bride and groom looked absolutely amazing.

And today, that lucky couple should be opening up a beautifully wrapped box with a......head inside.....

wait...is that creepy????????

Operation Jellyman Kelly: To be continued...

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

If you keep up with this blog (or me for that matter), you know I'm extremely open about our infertility journey.

I will talk about it night and day if it helps spread awareness and makes someone more mindful of how they speak to people affected by infertility.....but alas....I'm part of a team....and the other half of this team is not as open as I am.

So....from this point out....Operation Jellyman Kelly is going radio silent until we have some good, bad or inbetween news to share.

I understand it's extremely selfish to keep you so informed and then disappear like this....but it's the only way to allow ourselves just a little bit of privacy for a typically pivate matter. 

I know you all understand...because we surround ourselves with the best of people.

Please know that when we're ready to share.....we absolutely will.

We love you all so so much and thank you in advance for your understanding.

To be continued............... 

Operation Jellyman Kelly: Egg retrieval

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

Nine eggs.

Dr. T was able to retrieve nine eggs, which I don't mind telling you, really disappointed me.

He'd led me to believe I had between 10 and 20 follicles...but when it came down to it....9 is what we got.

I won't lie.....I was hoping for more because I felt more would give us better odds of fertilization (even though I know that's not true).  And it's not Dr. T's fault.....he thought he saw what he thought he saw.  But for some reason I'm still disappointed.  My belly was SO full and uncomfortable......I just truly felt there were...more.

Number of eggs aside, I'm happy to report the experience itself was absolutely amazing.

I didn't know what to expect when we arrived at the IVF Center, I just knew I was starving and uncomfortably full of follicles and walked in like a woman trying to shoplift a watermelon between her legs.

We were immediately greeted by the receptionist who exclaimed she felt she knew us because of all the paperwork and insurance claims she'd filed on our behalf.

We waited approximately 1 minute before a nurse opened the door and greeted us with the biggest of smiles, immediately comforting me.

Once we reached the door she introduced herself (Sandy) and grabbed my hand and started telling me how much they were looking forward to having us and if I needed anything to let her know.

As we walked back to the room we'd be based in Sandy introduced us to other nurses along the way and swung my hand up and down like she was showing off a new best friend.

She was a blessing to me at that very moment.


When we got to the room we could see they took great care in making sure both husband and wife would be comfortable.  I would spend the entire time in the comfy hospital bed and my husband would get to lounge in the lazy boy (complete with massage features).


Once we were settled in the room Sandy walked us both through the process and time-line of our visit while collecting vital signs and medical history.


And then we met Frank the anesthesiologist and he got my IV started.

Sandy and Frank have apparently been working together for 15 years or so and it showed.  Their playfullness was key to my relaxation.

Sandy warned my husband that most patients try to take Frank home with them at the end of the day because he's adorable...and he's got the goods (the drugs that is). 


In fact, Frank did tell me while he started my IV that if he starts getting better looking then he's given me too much!  LOL!

Frank gave me a little something as a "test" to see how I'd react to the drugs and the next thing I knew...they were rolling me into the operating room.


Frank said that I'd still be awake while they attached the EKG, etc. but that I would be asleep soon after that...

but I don't remember them hooking up the EKG.


I'm such a lightweight.


I woke to Sandy's voice asking how I was feeling.

According to Sandy and my husband, I said I was feeling fine and continuously asked if we played bumper cars with the hospital beds.  I must have asked that because the last time I was in a hospital bed (for my laparoscopy) I vividly remember the nurses bumping my bed into the wall and a shelf just before going under for my surgery.  


I remember Dr. T coming into the room and telling us they got 9 eggs.


And then according to Sandy and my husband I asked if my stomach ate some of the follicles during the retrieval because I was so hungry.


I wasn't in too much pain thanks to Frank and a wonderful heating pad and had the best nap ever tucked securely into my hospital bed.


Before I knew it, I was getting dressed and being wheeled out to the car.


I slept the rest of the day.


Today I feel much more bloated and have limited mobility...I don't know how some women are able to go to work the day after a retrieval! 


Anyhow, we're halfway there.


Thanks for all your continued well wishes and good thoughts!!!!!

Operation Jellyman Kelly: X marks the spot

DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts titled "Operation Jellyman Kelly" will no doubt gross you out. These posts will describe our current treatments for infertility...so if you have a weak stomach or don't know how you'd have a conversation with me in person after reading this....stop reading now. ; )

We're triggered!

During yesterday's appointment I had one of the nurses draw an X where I needed to get my trigger shot.

My husband did a fantastic job of hitting exactly where he needed to with as little pain for me as possible.  (I know he hit exactly where he needed to because of the one drop of blood that collected after the shot).  ; )

While the shot was relatively painless....it was still pretty scary seeing my husband go from handling a Lupron needle (shown below on left) to handling a 23 gauge (shown below on right)...

And while the trigger shot was what I was most worried about...it turned out the last Lupron shot had it in for me.....

I noticed the shot stung a bit more than usual and didn't think anything of it....

until a small bruise started forming....

and then that bruise turned black today (which apparently happens to plenty of women so it's not a concern, just a pain).

Ah IVF......thou art thou heartless bitch.  ; )

So I hope to be alert and well enough to update everyone tomorrow after egg retrieval...but lets be honest...I'll be drugged....so you may not get an update for a few days.  ; )

Until then my friends!