Tuesday, February 23, 2010

At the moment...

(March 4, 2008)

I'm suffocating.

The only reason for sitting idle in one place (the only reason that makes sense to me) is to raise a family.

If you're not doing that then why sit idle?

If you're not doing that then you should be doing something that will make a difference to someone or something.

Why can't I just abandon all responsibility and leave this life behind?

Why can't I just leave?

Marriage has never been a burden to me. Never.

But at this very moment it's the one thing holding me back from just picking up and leaving.

Well...marriage and lack of funds for a proper relocation.

I don't want to leave my marriage.

I do, however, want to leave this continent.

I do want to leave my job.

I do want to leave this lifestyle of just sitting around waiting for some great opportunity to arise.

If I leave to chase my own dreams...it's not fair to my husband.

I want for him to chase them with me....and infact he does want to chase them with me...(so he says) but then when we start to discuss an escape....his thoughts turn to his family, his job, our house; his responsibilities. And we're right back to square one.

I'm sick and tired of just talking about things.

That's all we ever do.

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