Non-Mother's Day

(May 14, 2009)

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a few years now…to no avail.


I’m actually quite exhausted from trying to keep that on the DL. So, I’m done hiding it.


It’s crazy how much your life changes when you’re trying to conceive.


Things…little things…really get to you and you can’t help but feel anger, frustration, jealousy……………………………..emptiness.


Little things like baby showers….and Mother’s Day.

It's actually incredibly difficult for me to attend baby showers.

The majority of the attendees are usually already mothers who end up steering every conversation toward babies and/or baby poo.


At some point during every baby shower someone will ask me when I’m going to have kids.

And unfortunately all I can think about is the fact that someone else is pregnant, not me.

I realize that's extremely selfish…but sometimes I'm just going to be a little more sad for myself than happy for you.  It's human nature.  I won't apologize for that.

Mother's Day is another battle for me.

I love Mother’s Day for what it is and what it stands for. And I love my husband’s family. But this Mother’s Day, I decided to skip out on celebrating the occasion with my husband’s family. (If said family is reading this, know that I truly love you and am happy that you have beautiful families of your own, but sometimes it’s emotionally hard for me to handle being the only non-Mom in the room.)

The thought of being the only woman at the Mother’s Day get-together who is not yet a mother………………well…………….……it hurts like you wouldn’t believe.

My older sister-in-law is pregnant with her third child. My younger sister-in-law just gave birth to her first child. Everyone at that get-together is a parent (aside from the children).

EVERYONE…………..except us.